Thoughts on control

“We’re all very pure, we’re all very good, we all try to do exactly as we should. We all go to church, we all say our prayers, but if when we dance, we show our derieres…it is to show that even when we dance, we are maidens typical of France…” Cole Porter

This line from Cole Porter’s  ‘Maidens from France’ (not sure if it’s the song title) is hilarious! I just wish you could see the line-up from Wellington’s Orpheus Choir performing it in choral style (when the music makes you want to dance) especially with one of our fabulous altos being a male . But you know how it is with some songs – you just can’t get them out of your head. I thought that if I put this line down on paper = screen, it might stay there and discontinue sloshing around in my head. Not so…it has taken control.

This is a very strange way of getting to the point of why it is that some (not all) people try to take control over us – try to make us do the things that they believe we should do? I understand that we should know our own mind, have our own opinion and follow our own dreams…why is it that we fall prey to the controlling tendencies of others?

Back when my children were young we used to holiday with family – not to be recommended! I wouldn’t really call them holidays – they weren’t always as relaxing as holidays should be. Mostly it was like walking on eggshells for two to three weeks. We were in a beautiful part of the country and there were times I was able to take myself off for a bit of solace by the lake. I desperately needed that time alone.

There was one particular family member who just had to rule the roost! No matter what pathway it was, it had to be her way. And if we didn’t tow the line…we’d then have to endure at the very least, sulking – at the worst, tantrums. I hated, with an intensity I can’t fathom, her need to control. My experience with this nasty trait has led me to the opposite extreme. I’m not the controlling type. As a young mother of course I tried to exert control when my children were in any kind of perceived danger. But now that they’ve grown, my mantra is “don’t sweat the small stuff” and thankfully in recent years, I haven’t had to deal with much else other than that. Even when the stuff was bigger than small, I haven’t imposed control. My kids’s laugh at me anyway – one of the problems in being of lesser stature.

I’m the peacemaker – I’ll just go with the flow. I’ll eat whatever anyone else likes (except tripe), I’ll watch what everyone else want to watch (except if Greys Anatomy is on), and I’ll go where everyone else wants to go. OK, if I have a preference I’ll voice it but it’s only a preference, it’s not a MUST.

Control – not for me – if you have control, you also have responsibility. You have ownership, you have to be the buck when it stops. You have to have absolute and total certainty that your way IS the right way and the best way. And just because some people will do as you say, it doesn’t mean they like you.


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