Things I don’t need to do

I don't need to kiss a pig!

Reality TV has put the fear of G-d in me!

Thanks to the abundance of reality shows, I’ve amassed a list of things that I no longer feel the need to do. The unbelievable horrors that have assaulted me while in vegetative state in the living room have done their work.

I don’t need need to swim in the surf at Piha even though I’m a strong swimmer.

I don’t need to climb Mt McKinlay – it’s unlikely I’d consider doing it anyway. Even if the challenge was put in front of me for $1 billion – NO.

I don’t need to go hiking in the Grand Canyon – irrespective of the season.

I don’t need to go scuba diving with sharks even if they’re only little ones.

I don’t need to go kayaking on the Zambesi River – visiting it on Willis St will do me.

I don’t need to become a surgeon – even though my fine stitching is up to it, my stomach isn’t.

I don’t need to survive on a diet of McDonalds for a month.

I don’t need to subject my face to chemical peeling or injections of botox – well maybe I do, but forget it!

And I don’t need to stand naked on a busy city street.

Thank goodness for reality TV!


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