My inner-critic has been having an absolute ball over the past week spending every spare minute telling me I’m just not good enough. I’m waiting on a decision that, if it goes in my favour, could change the course of my professional life. The wait is excrutiating.
So right now, while I’m preparing myself for disappointment, inner-critic is having a field-day chastising me for the ill-advised things I think I said to the panel of ‘judges’, the clothing I wore on the day of judgement, the work they asked me to submit…and basically everything I’ve done and not done to get me to this point.
Why do I listen? And why do these one-way conversations – yes they are one-way – cost me so much emotional energy and so much sleep?
Us Virgo’s are supposed to be perfectionists for whom nothing is ever good enough. Inner-critic is always beating me up and telling me that I could have done it better. Does this voice talk only to Virgos I wonder…
The inner-critic has been with me throughout my life and the truth is that it’s prevented me doing a lot of things. That’s a pretty sad admission isn’t it…fear of failure. I’d really hate to think that I might have passed on such self-doubting tendencies to my children.
We tell them to go out and do everything, take every opportunity, not be afraid of stepping up to the edge – because that is where you try yourself out, grow and learn who you really are. And what the hell is wrong with failure anyway? Somethings are just not meant to be…
I should listen to my own advice – really I should!