The singing dishwasher

The singing dish washer, like something out of Toy Story ...

Ever get the feeling that someone’s laughing at you … a big shaking belly laugh …

There were a few things needing the attention of a dish brush in the kitchen on Saturday. So I put the plug in the sink and turned on the taps. The water was moving slowly. Rather than wasting time watching the sink fill, I quickly went to another room to do something else – just what, I simply can’t remember. Therein lies the problem …

It was probably a good ten minutes before I remembered that I’d left the taps running. My heart sank … (excuse the pun)

Sure enough, the kitchen floor resembled a paddling pool with water from one end to the other, as well as cascading over the edges of the bench top. With only 45 minutes to spare before leaving the house to meet friends for a movie – The Company Men (seriously depressing given my current state of unemployment) – I grabbed the mop and attacked the water with a vengeance.

Swipe, squeeze, swipe, squeeze, swipe, squeeze … on it went for the full 45 minutes. Who needs a workout?

Then I noticed something. While I’d been feverishly mop, mop, mopping the dishwasher had taken on a life of its own. Not content to just beep intermittently, it started playing tunes, ghastly electronic tunes.

First there was a rather frantic version of Bach’s Jesu joy of man’s desiring, and before that had finished on came The Star spangled banner – also incomplete. I am not joking – this is deadly serious. The little display was flashing before my eyes – 1, 23, 57, 64, 93 on and on and on, the power button refused my anguished pressing and the tunes continued. Never a complete line – like the unfinished symphony – going from one to other and back again with a bit of beeping thrown in.

Later in the day, with no way to reach the on/off switch for the machine, which is behind it, we tried removing the fuse from the fuse-box. That didn’t work. If it had, I would have had to cope with a crying fridge and soggy freezer.

The only answer was to close the kitchen door and walk away.

I updated my Facebook profile – told my friends about my singing dishwasher. They thought I was joking.

I wasn’t. Yes, it IS for real!

The service people seemed nonplussed when I rang and requested a visit. Maybe there’s a dishwashing orchestra waiting in the wings.

The kitchen-based dishwasher disco continued for five days. Worse still, we could hear it through the night from the other end of the house. Funny how sound travels in the dead of night.

John, the appliance repair man, has just been. Did I admit to flooding the kitchen?

No, heaven forbid, the thought never crossed my mind. But see that little display panel in the image, well, it seems it short-circuited. What on earth could have caused that…surely not water! John told me that sometimes the electronic dishwasher disco is used in the showroom when demonstrating the wonderful attributes of the two-drawer dishwasher. Some comfort … so it’s not just a bored technician on the assembly line who’s decided to play a prank!

The recital is over. What blessed relief!

Silence – except for the music in my head. You guessed it … Jesu joy …

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